The Surprising Purpose of Angerby Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.
With the precision of a surgeon’s scalpel, this book dissects the complexities of anger. The author suggests that if we think more with our heart and less with our head, anger can be a gift that challenges us to connect to what we truly need. When we can acknowledge what our heart genuinely desires, we move one step closer to understanding ourselves, others, and our relationship goals.
Working in communities that experienced severe forms of violence, Dr. Rosenberg noticed a discrepancy in emotions conveyed by the victims and their families. Some were angry and sought revenge through violence. Others were hurt and more compassionate toward their perpetrators. Understanding the reasons behind these disparate reactions was the impetus for this book. The author explains how to re-think anger-inducing situations in order to obtain the outcome we want. He begins by helping the reader to evaluate anger triggers and see these more as a stimulus rather than the cause of our emotion. He then challenges the assumption that unmet needs are the root of anger. Instead, he suggests spending more time understanding your own needs and less time judging other’s motives. A typical initial response to this idea is that it is easier said than done. However, Dr. Rosenberg explains and demonstrates a simple three-step process that promises healthier and more honest conversations with minimal effort. He walks the reader through the thought process and shares several real-life examples to demonstrate the steps. Step one explains how to identify the true stimulus of our anger. Very often we confuse our judgment of another’s actions or behavior and translate that assumption into a “cause” for our reaction. Step two helps us to understand how our judgment of others and the internal language we use against them only disguises our true feelings and needs. Finally, step three brings us to the realization of our true needs and how to express them. Through reflection and compassion, we are able to move beyond our anger to more effective communication and fulfilling relationships.
Dr. Rosenberg is a bestselling author and international peacemaker. During the early 1960s, he was a mediator, trainer, and civil rights activist. He later received his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Wisconsin. He has worked in 59 countries, providing training to a variety of groups, such as, prisoners, clergy, government officials, and families. He is also the founder and director of the Center for Nonviolent Communication, a nonprofit, global organization that teaches honest, compassionate conflict-resolution skills. “The Center is a global organization whose vision is a world where all people are getting their needs met and resolving their conflicts peacefully. In this vision, people are using Nonviolent Communication (NVC) to create and participate in networks of worldwide life-serving systems in economics, education, justice, healthcare, and peace-keeping.”1 For more information, visit www.cnvc.org.
1Rosenberg, Dr. Marshall B. “The Surprising Purpose of Anger.” The Center for Nonviolent Communication. www.cnvc.org.
